Today
I have not smoked. Yesterday,
I
did not smoke either. And tomorrow,
I
do not plan to smoke either. But today,
I
will not smoke. Smoke and sorrow emits
from
the glooming spark of red and today
I
will not smoke.
Today
I have had a workout. Yesterday,
I
took a break. And tomorrow, I will also
take
a break. But today, I have had a workout.
Pizza
on and in my belly as I chill on the couch
with
Netflix and today
I
have had a workout.
Today
I have been sober. Yesterday,
I
did not have a drink. And tomorrow,
I
do not plan to drink either. But today,
I
have been sober. Alcohol fills my heart
with
song and joy and today
I
have been sober.
Today
I have not eaten meat. Yesterday,
I
did not eat meat. And tomorrow, I do
not
plan to eat meat either. But today,
I
have not eaten meat. Groans emit for
a voluptuous meal and today
a voluptuous meal and today
I
have not eaten meat.
Today
I have not felt love. Yesterday,
I
did not feel love. And tomorrow, I
do
not plan to feel love either. But today, I
have
not felt love. Her hair fills the pace
between
my fingers as I caress her neck and today
I
have not felt love.
Not a very good effort. The Reed structure is not replicated: remember the fifth stanza must summarize the first four in reverse order and in one voice only.
ReplyDeleteThe individual stanzas are too similar. Reed adds new material and a variety of catch phrases in each. A pastiche/parody should do likewise.
Some of the very characteristic phrases of the original should be reproduced exactly, and amuse due to their new context. Examples would include the Thumb/finger dichotomy, the grammar error, the back and forth of the bolt and the bees, etc.
My approach was to over-simplify the structure of the poem.
DeleteI will revise this for the Portfolio.
Good idea...
Delete