Have you heard?

Servant to sister

-You know dear sister, yesterday when I was changing the duke's sheets in his bedchamber. I noticed by the door that he had a visitor. They were discussing some business arrangement, until the duke decided to show the poor newcomer his art collection. He is always trying to impress people with his finest piece made by that charlatan Frá Pandolf. Yet none of the staff has actually seen said piece. I wonder what it could be.

Sister to customer

 -Wow, you really blow me away every time my sweet sir, I don't understand how you do it. I know you must have a lot of meetings to attend. But I just heard from my sister, you know the one who works for the duke, that he had a visit the other day. Apparently some man, who he was discussing important arrangements with. The duke then showed this visitor his most private painting, that not even the staff have laid eyes upon. Made by Frá Pandolf, and knowing that ladies man, his piece was probably of some woman. So whomever the visitor is, he must be, or be sent from someone special.
 

Customer to wife

 -I told you Patricia, I was at a meeting with the others from the club, I'm sorry it ran so late. But on my way home I heard the most curious thing about the duke, erh.. from.. some random civilian, doesn't matter who told me. Apparently the duke have had a visit by someone sent from high up the hierarchy, it would not surprise me if it was from the count himself. And no one knows what arrangement they have been negotiating, but it is apparently very personal. The duke even showed the visitor his most precious painting of some woman, made by the womanizer Frá Pandolf. It is so personal that the duke does not even want the staff to lay eyes on it. It's gotta be a portrait of the late duchess, because what could be more be more precious than one's wife, right?

Wife to friends 

 -Now girls, my husband just told me a peculiar story about our dear duke. It seems that the duke has had a visit from an emissary of the count. Together they have been negotiating some arrangements. Considering the duke is a widower, it would be likely for the negotiations to be about the counts daughter. But weirdly enough, after their arrangement, the duke showed the emissary a most private painting of his late duchess. Made by that scandalous Frá Pandolf. Not even the staff is allowed to look at it. Should not surprise me, I heard the late duchess was a woman whom the men were very fond of starring at.

Friend to baker

 -Hmm, I think I'll have two of these and a sweet bun for our boy at home. Say, have you heard about the emissary of the count visiting the duke. Apparently they have been arranging a  marriage with the counts daughter. Now the duke is already a widower to more than one duchess, but he keeps a secret painting away from the staff, which he showed the emissary. A portrait of his late wife, made by that rake called Frá Pandolf. Thing is, our former duchess was not only desired by the duke, but by his male staff as well. I don't understand how the duke could've handled it, I would be furious with jealousy.

 Baker to wife overheard by errand boy

  -Honey, I knew there was something going on with the duke. I told you, he always order the same amount of bread and pastries every week. Yet last week he ordered more than usual, and now I know why. He had an emissary of the count on visit. The seem to be arranging a marriage between him and the count's daughter. Yet the duke shared more than just marriage plans. He also shared a painting that no one is allowed to gaze upon. It appears to be a portrait of his late wife, made by the stud Frá Pandolf. Now many know that the late duchess was favored by men all around her, which drove the duke furious. Now that I think about it, the duchess' demise came so sudden. You don't suppose?¨

 Errand boy to chef

 -Here is your weekly delivery from the baker sir. All orders for the duke should be there. I have to ask, is it true? I overheard a conversation between my parents about the duke. That he ordered the demise of our late duchess because she lay with all the men around her. Because I heard that he had a visit and…

Chef to servant
 -Can you stir in the soup for a few minutes? Thanks. I just spoke with the errand boy, apparently it was an emissary of the duke who visited the other day. And guess what, I know about our duke's secret art piece, and there's a great tragedy behind it…

Servant to sister

 -You know dear sister, I helped the duke's chef out the other day, and do I have some juicy stuff to tell you.

Writing Game 6

MY FREAKY FRIEND

Hey blog, it’s mondaaaaay and weird shit’s been happening this weekend, so buckle up and get ready.

So today I’m going to tell you guys all about this crazy friend I have, who seem to think he is a Duke or something. We went to his house this saturday, and he showed me a freakin’ big ass painting of his socalled ‘Duchess’ – what a freak, right? So okay, this painting was creapin’ me out. That woman was seriously staring at me with her big popping eyes – I swear, she looked like she could jump out of that painting at any time! Anyway, he tells me some guy named Pandolf painted it and that he is a very skilled and known artist with “great sense of detail” and I’m like… Who the heck is Pandolf??

And then he seriously says: “Sit on this chair and watch her closely” and I am LITERALLY freaking out!! Like, did you kill her and now I’m next?? That was so creepy I just can’t comprehend… Oh, and btw, he had a red velvet curtain hanging over that bitch… I am not kidding, you guys…

So then he starts talking about this guy Pandolf again, like I even give a shit… Saying stuff like “depth and passion” and I’m just sitting there, thinking how ugly that woman really is. If that guy Pandolf really is soooo talented, howcome he didn’t paint her with the newest Jimmy Choos? I mean, seriously, have a sense of fashion before you call yourself and artist… Then Dukie says: “You’re not the first to ask” and I’m like: duuuude, ain’t nobody asked you a god damn thing??!! Jeeez. I don’t even know why I call him my friend, he really gives me the creeps.

But he keeps yapping about his fat girlfriend on the wall, talking about the color of her cheeks like we’re in some baaad Jane Austen movie, calling me “Sir” and all that shit, implyin’ that I dig her. Duuuuuude, do you not know I like dick?! He goes on and says that Gandalf, or whoever, told that girl to lift up her skirt, what a dirtbag!! He ain’t wanna paint that girl, he wanna have some of that girl!! But Dukie seems to think that his girl was just tryin’ to be “polite”… POLITE?? Bro!! Yo lady is about to get down with Mr. Painter, is you blind??! Omg, that was some serious three-way drama, I’m telling ya… I’ve seen those girls before, hoeing up for the weekend and getting down with aaaall dudes out there.

But you know, he did kinda admit that she likes everything. I mean, he said that he “gave her a dress” one day, Chanel I think, and another day he “gave her a cherry milkshake” and she reacted the same damn way… Wtf?? Girl, Chanel is my religion, don’t ya even act as if that is as good as a non-fat free milkshake, you damn fool! Although he did say, that sometimes she doesn’t react at all, she just stands there and blushes… It’s so damn pathetic I think I’m gonna puke… Anyway, he says that one day some other dude came with a cherry milkshake for her, stickin’ his nose in where it don’t belong and I told him: don’t let no man steal yo girl bro, you tell him! Set him straight… But then he said “It’s okay, it’s nothing, she said thank you” and I am telling you guys, I was about to go damn crazy… She said ‘THANK YOU’??!!! Damn bro, don’t ever let her play you that way… This is seriously the most f’ed up relationship I have ever heard about… And I’m freaking gay…

The next part is so freaky, you won’t believe it… He starts saying that “I gave her a nine-hundred-year-old name” and that she oughtta think about the prestigious family she married into and a whoooole bunch of other nasty stuff, I won’t even let you in on it all, I care about you guys too much… That DOUCHEBAG thinks he is more worth than that woman??! That is SOOO typical men!!! What about the woman’s worth??? Sure, she is kinda dumb, but that ain’t her fault… Damn I knew he would say something like that…. Jerk!! And omfg!! Then he said “Don’t want to argue with women, do we?” and I’m like: boooooy I’m gonna bitch slap you any time soon, you nasty pig!! I ain’t on your side, bro!!

I told him he should talk with his woman, that’s the way to solve problems. But he was all “I don’t know what to say” which is sooo cliché… But he’s been yapping all this time, I think he’s full of it – off course he knows what to say! But then he said that she always smiles at him, just nothing special, because she smiles at all men out there… They both got some issues…

When I asked him where his wifey went, he didn’t say anything other than “The smiles stopped” and asked me to stand up again. Seriously, I have never been closer to shittin’ my pants. He asked me to go downstairs to the others, and I’m like: the OTHERS?! You havin’ a party downstairs bro?? This is the point where I’m seriously thinking about running, but I gotta check this freak out some more.

As we’re about to go downstairs, he starts talking about my boss’ daughter, like some freak who just want to lay his hand on all girls out there, and I’m thinking, is this the reason I’m even here? So I can be his wingman??! Omg… That’s when I know the freakshow is over!! I’m trying to come up with a reason to leave, but he insists on keeping me there and keeps asking if I won’t join him and the others… Again, who the fuck are those other people?? Before we leave his creepy ‘gallery’, he starts pointing at a bronze statue of… wait for it… NEPTUNE! That’s when I knew I had to fake an emergency and get the hell outta there, and I did, thank goodness, I got away!

That’s it you guys. My freaky ‘friend’ who I fyi ain’t seeing nomore!

Peace out, hope y’all had a better weekend than me!

XOXO  

His Last Duchess

Today I completed another painting for the Duke

And once more I was assured, that man is a kook

I had promised myself never to take part in his schemes again

As I feel each painting is a love letter written in vain  

Alas, a man of my position, was not able to make such a decision

The thought of each new Duchess fills me with fear

And to ease their fate I put compliments in their ear

The Duke’s presence seems to make each girl worry

As his got a mind you can tell is scurry

Alas, my paintings makes me ache, as I feel each is a crime to make

He has one made every year

And I fear, they are nothings more than a souvenir

He clings his greatness to his nine-hundred-year old name

But with his endless horror he brings it only to shame

Alas, those paintings behinds the curtain will be his legacy, lives ended with his jealousy

Your Last Duchess

Your Last Duchess

I never really knew much about you until the day my father came in to my room and told me, that he had promised me away to a very fortuned man. It turned out to be you, Duke of Ferrara, the man who had everything except for love. I therefore believed, that the reason I had been promised to you by my father was because you had your best interest for me. When I first met you I saw the good side of you, the side that made you look like a charming and loving man. But little did I know, all of my illusions took a drastic turn, and I no longer saw that side of you. You couldn’t bear with my happiness or the kindness I gave to someone other than you. I told myself that it would all be good again and that you would be good and kind to me like the first time I met you, but instead you made your good side fade far away. You became obsessed with me and never left me out of your side. I was now a prisoner in our home and you made me feel like property, like someone who had been given to you in exchange for money. A woman of pride and joy was I, until jalousie was the only thing I saw in you. By the time you read this letter I will be forever gone and wish to never see you again, and the only thing that will be left of me is the painting in your gallery, that Panadol has painted of me behind the curtains with all your other duchesses.  

Your Last Duchess.

Ne'er has father turned his wrath upon me,

and I adore that he could see,

Mother was never his to be

In the lught of her welcoming heart,

Father impaled a dagger, oh so sharp.

For in truth I wished her dead,

Mother never appriciated our family name, just know that 

our former glory ought to be acknowledged by every man and woman

I've spend many hours adream wishing for the death of mother

smothering myself in the love of father

so when he sought a new lover

I woved that his former fear of castration would come to life

Cause in truth, I am the only girlæ for the man who made me

All I wish is for him to see, that I was his to be

But he will face the same alienation that fate game Oedipus

Yet, he'll never walk another mile for today we'll put him in the ground

My Last Duchess (Kills My New Wife From The Afterlife And I Go To Jail For It)

You hung me up like a bell

And you must not remember well

That time I on you casted a spell

Your future wife will drown in a well

You will be spending your life in a cell

I’m Heaven and you’re Hell 

The Painting

The Painting

In a dimly lit interrogation room Fra Pandolf frustratingly pleads his case.

…

“I am telling the truth; I do not know anything about the Duchess’ disappearance! I do not understand why it is me you are interrogating, when it should be the Duke you are interrogating. I did nothing wrong, I merely painted her, there was nothing sexual or criminal about it, she kept her clothes on and I kept my distance, and I certainly had nothing to do with her disappearance”. Fra Pandolf yelled in frustration.

“But you had a special bond with her?” the interrogator asked.

“No I did not, I was just her painter, nothing was special about our bond, it was purely professional”.

“Then why did the Duke accuse you of stealing her from him and leading her into adultery?”.

“Because he is delusional and jealous and it was this hateful jealousy that led the Duchess into her disappearance I believe… During our sessions, we talked and she told me that he was unbearable to live with and constantly judging her, accusing her of adultery, and not appreciating anything she ever did; nothing was good enough. Therefore, she came to me. She thought that a nice painting of her in a good light with a warm smile and some pretty clothes would cheer the Duke up and maybe ease his tormented soul and jealousy. She wanted to show him that it was him she loved, no one else. But alas… this was not the case. The painting sparked a jealousy so hatred, so strong that he tracked me down and tried to kill me. He believed we used these painting sessions to fool around behind his back and paint crude paintings. He was blind with rage. In reality, the Duchess came to me to have her painting done, because it was I who painted the other paintings the Duke own. By a mere coincidence, after the first session, she discovered I was pleasant to talk to and this was a place where she could get all her frustrations out without judgement and ridicule. This is why the painting to a little longer than normal to have finished and it was probably because of this that the Duke grew so enormously jealous. I have painted paintings of his former Duchesses and this was by far the longest I have spent on a painting, but it is also the best one, and I doubled as a shrink at the same time, so I could not have done it quicker. I am just sorry that it caused such turmoil in the mind and heart of the Duke, which led to the disappearance of the kind and sweet Duchess. But I did not have relations with her and I did not have anything to do with her disappearance. Rather I believe the Duke killed her in a jealous fit”. Fra Pandolf said.

“What evidence do you have to support this?” the interrogator asked.

“Because she told me that was what he had done with his former Duchesses” fra Pandolf replied.

…

After the interrogation, Fra Pandolf and an unnamed girl are sitting in the living room of Fra Pandolf’s home.

“Did they buy it?” the girl asked.

“I believe so, I lied to them about the Duke killing his former Duchesses like you told me to, and I gave a good rendition of just how terrible the Duke is and how horrible he made your life” Fra Pandolf said.

“Good, let us just hope the Duke gets what he deserves and then we can live in peace” she said.

“And then I can continue on the other painting of you without getting interrupted” Fra Pandolf said sensually.