Dear sister,
I am writing this
letter to you from a railway station in Spain to tell you, that me and Harry soon will traveling to Madrid. As
you might know, I’m getting a surgery next week in Madrid, but I am not sure if I want to go through it anyway. I can't keep up with Harry and his lies anymore, he is driving me insane, and lately all we do is arguing. However, mother doesn’t
know anything about the surgery or that me and Harry arguing, so please do not mention anything about it to
her. I don’t want to scare mother more than she already is, with the thought of
me going to a country that is so far away. I want you to know that everything
will be fine with me and I promise to write to you again as soon as possible. I
wish that you were here with me so, that I wouldn't have to talk to Harry all bloddy day long. I wish that you too could see Spain, which is beyond
beautiful. The nature here is breathtaking, even the hills are amazing on their
own and if you look very carefully, you would be able to see that they look
like white elephants.
My dearest sister
I love you and I promise that we will be seeing each other soon again.
Love,
Jig
The idea of rewriting the story as a letter from one of the protagonists is good. Getting the story from Jig's perspective is also probably the most obvious angle to use. However, I find the Jig in this letter hard to recognize compared to the somehow tougher, less emotional and caring Jig in the story. That is a bit of a problem, unless the letter gives away some motivation for why she would be different in this letter-writing context. So if you could provide some indirect indication of why she is 'softer', or more vulnerable that would be an improvement.
ReplyDeleteAll the elements to ensure recognition of the original text are there, though, so that is good.
I see what you mean, so i have changed some parts from the letter and focused more on keeping Jig's passive character.
DeleteGood!
Delete