"I'm in the building." Brammer spoke into his pen, which had a microphone function, but could also shoot out a lazer beam, and fold out as a parachute, both being nice options should he need it.
The risk of him needing it was small though, Brammer having worked at perfecting his aim continuously over the spand of his long and miserable life. He silently moved downstairs. Within seconds, Brammer spotted his target, standing with his back to him, leaning over a table filled with documents, most likely of a vicous and villainly character. His soon-to-be victims specks of grey hair glistened in the moon light. He was significantly older than him, wiser and perhaps also more skilled in the art of gunsmanship. Brammer knew that if he did not get this shot right, he would soon feel the fury of his opponent, could he not manage to escape off the mountain with his parachute.
Brammer cocked his gun and took aim. It was as if the world stood still for just one moment.
BANG!
"Ouch!"Adam yelled and turned around, only to see an empty livingroom. By the light sound of frantic footsteps going up the stairs, it could only be Noah, his smallest kid. He sighed. Perhaps he should give the kid a scolding for stealing his older brothers BB gun again, but given that the kid five being only, he simply returned to his tax papers.
I absolutely loved your ending. To change the focus or reveal an element to the reader can be difficult to do properly, but you managed to pull it off due to your detailed descriptions.
ReplyDeleteNice bait and switch job with the genre-bending ending!
ReplyDeleteThe backward phrase sticks out a bit too much in its setting of otherwise absolutely realist prose.
I really like you story, and the ending actually only made me want to hear more! The switch in genre was a great surprise which as Martin said can be difficuly, but I think you manage it really well!
ReplyDelete