It’s fucking annoying
Sitting in the bus
A stranger takes the seat next to you
What’s with all the fuss?
She is tall and skinny
But take up space like a plus.
How funny is it
That the stranger can’t see
She needs to split
Or you will have a flip?
I sat by the window
With an elbow in my side,
Being annoyed
Oh I don’t know why.
Finally the bus comes to a stop.
She gets up
And my flip can flop.
Your words battle each other greatly: "my flip can flop". That one made me laugh and also mainly how this is a problem everyone on the bus can relate to. In other words: your poem is funny and relatable. Doesn't get any better.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great and funny little poem! I really enjoy how the stanzas vary in length, and the final three verses all rhyme, it's a very nice composition and nice to read. Also, I love the play on "flip flop"!
ReplyDeleteDaily bus passenger here and I can confirm it is a blast of joy like no other. During the busy hours of the day, watch the rows upon rows of bags conveniently placed to discourage people from asking for a seat. This is a nice little humorous protest against one of the absurdities we encounter on our busrides!
ReplyDeleteThis is a good example of the type of reversed phrases that become questions by reversing a straightforward indicative phrase. Those are easy to work with and not awkward grammatically...
ReplyDeleteThe tone is a matter of some art: you don't want to sound like a petty, overly sensitive, entitled ass-hat; rather you want to complain in a slightly understated cool and funny, but not overly cynical tone of voice. Good thing you succeed. ;-) The best phrase is of course the final line.
I like the fact that you made a poem out of something from everyday lige, which most people can relate to! Also, it is funny how a bus-ride can make us so frustrated on so many levels. I love it!
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