First draft:
Author function: Poet
Notion: Friendship
Second draft:
Author function: Poet
Author function: Poet
Notion: Friendship
First of all, I love you
Respect is what I get from you
Respect is what I get from you
I am me when I’m with you
Endless laughs I share with you
No one understands me like you
Dancing is what I love to do with you
Safe I feel in the presence of you
Happy I am, when I speak with you
I think everyone should have a friend like you
Partners in crime, me and youSecond draft:
Author function: Poet
Notion: Love
First of
all, I love you
Respect is what I get from you
Respect is what I get from you
I am me when
I’m with you
Endless
laughs I share with you
No one
understands me like you
Dancing is
what I love to do with you
Safe I feel
in the presence of you
Happy I am,
when I speak with you
I think
everyone should have a friend like you
Partners in
crime, me and you
Angels and
devils, both we can be
No one will say otherwise or disagree
Daughters of the same world are we
Lying in bed and closing my eyes
Oh, my dreams are never-ending
Versions of life with you I imagine
Every thought to you I am sending
No one will say otherwise or disagree
Daughters of the same world are we
Lying in bed and closing my eyes
Oh, my dreams are never-ending
Versions of life with you I imagine
Every thought to you I am sending
In the dark
you always light up and shine
Smiling and
laughing, happy, you’re mine
Every day I
see your face
Victories
we have, all with grace
Ending my
sentences, reading my mind
Roses are
red, and you are so kind
You and I
are meant to last
Thus, I
know, life goes by so fast
Hats and
dresses, oh we had so much fun
In the rain
in the street, on the beach in the sun
Neighbours
at first, lovers at last
God knows, we have had a blast
God knows, we have had a blast
Reflection:
At first
this poem was about friendship, however as I kept writing, it developed into
both friendship and love. I lead to love, because often friendship becomes
something more, and in this case, it started with two girls who were best
friends but became lovers in the end. As can be seen in the first stanza, all
lines end on “you”, which is supposed to be a little provocative, because
normally you do not make lines rhyme by using the same word. However, as the
poem progressed I chose to use different rhyme schemes such as A, A – A, B, C,
B and A, A, B, B, C, C. If I had chosen another function, I might not have been
able to play with rhymes in the same way, which is a great part of the poem.
Furthermore, if I had chosen any other function, such as a playwright, perhaps
the story would have been more dramatic rather than beautiful, which would have
changed the way the story is perceived. As the icing on the cake, all the lines’
beginning letters form vertical words, which form the main message of the poem.
I like how you wrote friendship vertically with the first letters and writting about friendship itself is simple, but great. Ending all the sentences with 'you' is a little upsetting for me, though. By the way, you forgot the relfection ;)
ReplyDeleteI just updated the poem! Reflections are coming later! Thank you for the feedback :-)
DeleteAh, an acrostic poem! (that is the term for the vertical initials forming words) Exquisite...
ReplyDeleteThe second version is of course preferable, esp. as it allows you to cover the progression from friendship to love, and also to show off some of the poet's craft in introducing the rhyme schemes.
Reflection OK, albeit a little obvious.
Clever idea, Making a sentence by using the first letter of every sentence vertically to outline the meaning of the poem, nicely executed.
ReplyDeleteEven though it might seem like the easy way out to rhyme 'you' with 'you' in the entire first stanza, I believe that it's a great way to emphasize that this poem is about a specific person.
As the rest of the gang mention, the idea of a acrostic poem got me! Brilliant work. I actually find the whole friendship section with 'you' in it amusing because I think it creates an emphasis on the bond between 'you and friend'.
ReplyDeleteTo me the actual content of a poem is the most important, however the form of the poem also plays a big part in the overall reading. Your poem is beautiful and them form is very creative and visually pleasing to look at. I also liked to see both the first and second draft in order to understand the development from beginning to end.
ReplyDelete